The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I need to sanitize my soul.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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