420 ftw
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
