i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
You're so nebulous sometimes
stop calling my apartment porn island.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
