aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
