Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Randomize
