He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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