He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
