Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
