It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
