The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
