I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
