Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
