so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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