I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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