There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
