His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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