Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Randomize
