ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
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