I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
