I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
