we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
