U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
And then my night got REAL pukey
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize