You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
