I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
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