I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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