Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
