I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
