no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
