Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
