He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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