I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
