You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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