just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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