My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
