you win again, gameday.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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