well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
That was before I lit my hair on fire
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
