I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I want a musical about memes.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
