Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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