I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I think we might need a safe word for this...
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
