if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
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