So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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