She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
