He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
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