his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize