he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize