Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
