Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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