____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
