ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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