What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
