And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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