My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
