I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize