I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
do nipples grow back?
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