I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
