Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
