You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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