My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
