you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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