Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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