Already got asked if we're dating
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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