by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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