how hairy? two words: wookie tits
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
