I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
