well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
